The goddess of death, time, and doomsday

So, we got a new puppy. Purina was offering $50 toward adoptions last weekend and I just happened to hear about it and just happen to get on apa's website to look at adoptable dogs... it just so happened they had border collie mix puppies and I just had to go visit them. They closed at 5pm and Adam doesn't get off work until 5. After several pictures and several videos of this adorable dog, Lana, she was in the car riding home with me.

I mean, look at this face.

We changed her name to Kali. Adam is proud to announce what her name means... Kali is the Hindu goddess of death, time, and doomsday. She is often associated with violence. Classic depictions usually show her holding a sword in one hand and a severed head in the other signifying that in the end, she will kill everyone and no one can avoid her as mortal death. Yay.

First two days she was the sweetest little thing. Now at night she screams like someone is murdering her. The sweetest thing though, the first two nights Adam started singing to her to calm her down as she laid in the crate next to the bed. It was very sweet. And she actually calmed down. The way he cuddles her and plays with her is heart warming.

She is a little shit, but she hasn't been showing that side to Adam. Tonight was her night to show that she could be a little brat. Tonight, she found our back bushes and decided that was her new spot. Well, as I'm working on cleaning on the kitchen, she starts sniffing around and he jumped up to take her out to potty. She ran back to the bushes and he was worried so, he runs back there and pulls her out. He then came in, told me the story, and took her downstairs to watch football. I start looking for the remote and can't find it anywhere. When I ask him about it, he doesn't know but said he hopes he didn't take it outside. He goes out to check and finds it thrown across the yard. Hahahaa... when he freaked out about Kali being in the bush he threw the remote in a state of panic! Glad I was even looking for it. 

Now he's downstairs as we speak yelling no, stop, don't do that. Glad she's finally showing her colors to him too!

Little doomsday herself

Ashley, Ashley, what do you see? Bug guts....

So, as earlier stated, Adam has a problem with bugs. Previously described problem was how to kill the spider. He goes from one extreme to the next. He can't decide how to kill it and on the other side of things he goes after the bug with such extreme force, it's ridiculous.

Hillary Clinton during her debate in October

Most recently, during the debate there was a time where there was a fly, who was made famous by landing on Hillary Clinton. Adam was down in the basement watching the debate. He saw the fly and thought it was in the basement with him. He kept his eye on that fly, and I assume the camera stayed pretty closely trained on her for awhile for him to think that it was in the same room as him. He found an instructional manual, rolled it up and went to the tv with hand raised about to attempt to smash it on his nice tv screen. I'm so glad he figured it out, before he broke his tv, that it was actually there with Hillary and not with him! 

This is on my bedroom wall

So we have lived in our house for over two years now... I'm so embarrassed to admit this but I refuse to clean it. 

One night, within the first year, I hear Adam cussing while I'm in the other room and I walk into the bedroom to Adam straddling the gap between the dresser and bed, with a foot on each and a flip flop in hand. He saw a bug crawling on our bedroom wall and decided it was time for it to die. And of course it has be the loudest smack against the wall and grunt he could muster. That bug body would be the one circled to the right.

Fast forward six to seven months, same scene. Another bug life taken. And the bug graveyard has begun on my bedroom wall. I see them every day when I wake up and every night before I go to bed. I didn't do it. I'm not cleaning it. And here we are, with bug guts on my wall. He says it's a reminder to their friends and family not to mess with him.

 *deep breath* *eye roll*

I married someone I can't stand some days

"I love being married. It's so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life."

One might say Adam is annoying. I would not disagree. One might say I'm annoying. I would wholeheartedly disagree.

Adam and I got comfortable with each other very quickly. We are both goofy, enjoy saying things in goofy voices, or talking with our hands. Adam says I'm the only person he's met that he knows is as annoying as him. I really don't believe that because he's especially obnoxious. Let me shed some light on how obnoxious he can be.


I enjoy sleeping, and can fall asleep at night pretty easily, sorry for those of you who can't, I swear I'm not bragging. If Adam sneaks in a nap during the day I can almost guarantee that he will keep me up late at night. I do everything I can during the weekends to make sure there's no naps happening unless we are both participating. If, said nap happens, there's toenails being drugged across the bottom of my feet, huffing, or even sounds of Pokemon battles. Or he really enjoys making up stuff and seeing if I'll fall for it. Today, he told me that Aaron Rodgers was voted the most attractive NFL player by women. I just started to tell him why that's not true and listing other players when he starts giggling... it's completely untrue what he told me. Dammit I fell for it again. This is the mild stuff.

Second level usually involves his "little guy," which is not what you think. It's his hand that he creates to be a dog and uses it to talk, sing, dance, etc. Besides the feet tickling there's his rib nibbling that he likes to do on my sides. It's cute when he wants to snuggle but sometimes he just does it to be annoying, knocking stuff out of my hand. On the opposite end of the spectrum he pushes me out of the bed with his feet if I try to give it back to him.

Look at that lil guy enjoying t.v.

One of the top things Adams enjoys doing to get on my nerves is anytime we shower together. No, not a sexual thing just saving time. Adam takes longer showers than me, so if we both need to shower I just jump in with him sometimes. I usually wash my face last and I try to time it just right to avoid his trick he likes to play on me. What he likes to do is wait until I've got my face completely soaped up, eyes closed and about to rinse my face under the shower head. During this time he secretly gathers water in his mouth and waits until I'm done holding my breath under the shower head and spits water in my face. I want to scream because it's so frustrating. I know, don't shower with him right? I've gotten better with getting him instead of letting him get me first.

Sometimes when I get really frustrated and annoyed with him I send one of my best friends a message about it, just to vent. The last time I sent the message about the sunscreen incident her message back really made me laugh. She said, "Here I am looking for the perfect guy and maybe I need to find a guy who I really just can't stand sometimes." And she's right.... *deep breath.*

 

But I watch this and envision it's me doing this when he gets to be too much. 

Did you tell Ashley you love her?

I think it’s just a known fact that men can never find what they’re looking for. They “search” and search and can’t find it, Anywhere! The questions are, where did somebody else place it, who moved it or stole it or whatever other accusatory questions they can come up with. This usually happens when you're really busy or trying to sleep. At least this is what goes on in my house. 

We have a lake bag at our house, it's red, a Christmas present from Adam's mom. I always keep some sunscreen in the bag along with towels, hats, extra sunglasses, etc. There is also a plastic bag where we keep overflow sunscreen. It stays in the drawer under our bed with Adam's shorts. 

Imagine this. It's early Saturday morning, I've got a migraine so I'm laying in bed with an ice pack on my head, just took my migraine medicine that I have to sleep after taking. Adam is going to the lake with friends so, he's getting ready to go. He starts looking for the sunscreen. He asked me where it was. I gave him 4 places to look, the drawer, the lake bag, our picnic blanket and his car. He stomps, and he makes a point to land every heel-toe, heel-toe he can, around for 20 minutes looking for this damn sunscreen. May I remind you, I don't feel good at all. I finally had enough of his stomping around and get up. I go downstairs to the lake bag, pull out the sunscreen stick, toss it to him. Go to the front door, pull out the sunscreen from the picnic blanket, toss it to him. I'm still in my pjs, no bra, but F-it I went outside and opened his damn trunk and pulled the sunscreen out he "must've missed," and tossed it to him. And back to bed I went.

Adam works at a job where he has to be in a suit every day. He went from a company that would allow you to wear jeans and t-shirts everyday to this. It was an adjustment for him that included more trips to the dry cleaners because ain't nobody got time to be starching and ironing shirts. While he gets ready in the morning usually I'm making myself breakfast and packing my lunch. Some of us don't have the luxury of going out for lunch. Must be nice. His last step before he leaves the house is to fill up his water bottle, usually leaving the Brita filter out or empty. Within a week of each other during his first couple of months he forgot his tie and his badge to get into work. He couldn't believe I didn't take notice of these things when he walked out. I have enough trouble getting out of bed in the morning and he wants me to look over his wardrobe before he leaves? So, I made a list of his must haves or must have dones before he leaves for work. This list has been hanging on the door for almost a year. It has come in handy for when he's about to leave. The amount of times he turns around to grab something before he leaves because he looked at the list is too many for us to be in month 12 of the job... His most important task and must do before leaving the house is the last one. 

Eye wash for the annoying stye issue...

He made a point to tell me today, that it might be better if he said something annoying/funny to me as his last words out of the house. That way I have a funny story to tell if something bad happens to him... he's been watching too many scary movies for the month of October...

Until next time.... *deep breath*

Laundry? Not my thing.

I don't like doing laundry and I dislike putting away laundry even more. In college I used to sleep with my clean clothes on the corner of my bed. It's not my thing. So, when Adam and I moved in together that became HIS thing. He still makes me put my stuff up and fold it but the actually act of carrying it down to the basement and switching over laundry is no longer my problem.

My Mantras

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We change our sheets about once a week, or as Adam says, when in doubt it's time to change the sheets. He brought a clean pair of sheets up in the basket with two folded clean towels sitting atop them, and I stripped the sheets off the bed and kept them in a heap in the corner of the bed while we went to eat dinner. After dinner Adam started putting sheets on the bed, I went in and helped him finish up making the bed.  After we're done he picks up the two folded towels sitting on top of sheets in the basket and asks me where they needed to go. We both made eye contact, looked down at the basket and both loudly exclaimed. We put back on the sheets I had just taken off! @#$@##!!!@!

So, here we go again. Strip the sheets. Pull out the new sheets and start to put them on. There's something on the sheets. Take them off. Go get the third pair of sheets and put them on. Finally, third time's a charm.

Look at this happy couple successfully making the bed, probably on their first try. 

As a wedding gift we received a new energy efficient washer and dryer. Great, right? First time Adam used it he went to take a shower while the washer ran. After he got out he yelled for help but I was already asleep, and "even the good lord couldn't get me outta bed." Apparently, there were bubbles EVERYWHERE across the basement. He has no idea what happened or why that would have happened, my guess is he put too much soap in and then the overload of water draining from the washer and the shower just caused it.

So, now Adam's new thing is to watch the washer when he starts it. He watches it estimate, agitate and fill up until the rinse cycle. He's not convinced the washer is cleaning the clothes, this energy efficient stuff is for the birds if clothes aren't even all getting wet. We've watched the videos, read the manuals and he's still not convinced. We found out if you wash on the bulky setting it actually fills the washer up to where you can see the water. This eases his mind about the clothes getting clean. So, for now everything will probably be washed on the bulky setting.

Let's see how this goes.

Until next time..... *deep breath*

Sunshine in my house

A good laugh is sunshine in the house. — William Thackeray

Adam and I laugh often. We make goofy noises, faces and find ourselves laughing at ourselves... really I find I'm laughing at myself more often than not. Sometimes we both laugh until we cry. 

One thing we both love is food, Adam enjoys more sweets than me but, food all the same. We have a history of food thieves in our house, any four of us could be said to be guilty at one time or another. The most recent big robbery was Bonnie, now known as the "Hamburgular." Three 93% lean burger patties ready to go on the grill... gone. She experienced very loud, obnoxious dreams that night, glad someone got a good dinner. 

Tonight there were pork chops and then some slam dunk chocolate chunk cookies, I was guilted into buying from a band student for a fundraiser. Adam has two conversations with me about sweets, sometimes they happen interchangeably throughout a single day. "Stop buying so much junk, I need to lose weight." "Why do I keep writing Cherry pop-tarts on the shopping list if you're never gonna buy them?" "There's never any good snacks!" This last one usually stated as he stares into a full cabinet of snacks. The conversation today was, that he needed to cut back on snacks and lose 10 lbs. After dinner, we both consumed 4 cookies a piece. This is a no judgement zone, right?

Adam reaching for a cookie :)

While eating these slam dunk cookies, I was playing with the snapchat filters. If you have not ever seen the pug filter, it's hilarious. If you watch this and don't at least crack a smile... I pity your sad soul. We watched it about 30 times over and laughed until we both cried. And then right out of my hand Lexi snatched my cookie, and as I am not a good food sharer, my hand stayed in her mouth until she let go. So, one cookie down that didn't get consumed by Adam or I. Sad. They really were some  slam dunk cookies.

"How's Married Life Treating Ya?"

This question comes up by everyone it seems with the first time people see you after you get married. And really... nothing is different except for the big pain in the ass it is changing my name and having everyone remember what it is now. We both don't have our actual last names on Facebook so until my wedding day I think some of my family were convinced my last name would be Super.
I thought I would start a blog, not because I think I know some deep meaning of love or have some great marriage advice, I actually think Adam and I are hilarious. I know, you're thinking no way, she's going to start this out by trying to convince us she's hilarious. But seriously, Adam and I always have the craziest stuff happen and I think this is a great place for me to get it down, so, that one, I remember it, and two, I can share it!

Today, is October 1, 2016. We got married on July 16th of this year. Adam and I met in December of 2012. Our first date consisted of a late lunch, City Museum Aquarium and then on to his friend's Christmas party, where we played beer pong. He threw me right into the mix of his tight knit friends and I'm happy to say they're pretty great. I don't have a great memory so, I'm sure I'll be remembering great stories along the way that'll I need to weave in some how.

Adam is my best friend, my confidante and someone I enjoy sharing my space with. We both enjoy our alone time and both enjoy being absolutely obnoxious to each other. We have been to four countries together, Italy, England, Wales, and Greece. We've survived one family vacation and a few small road trips. We have two dogs, who are nothing short of ridiculous in their own ways. They've both been with us since puppies and have grown to tolerate each other.

My hope is that this blog will be fun, funny but also to be a stress relief. And before we get to the first story from my week there are some things you need to know about me. I am prone to accidents and getting hurt, I've had two bad accidents this year... 2nd degree burn and losing a couple inches of skin off the bottom of foot.... I told you, I'm ridiculous. I'm also pretty laid back and easy going, until you cross a line or it's something I'm passionate about. Things I'm passionate about include, diversity/multicultural tolerance, equality, wrong doing against my family, my dogs, and traveling. When asked, my three favorite things in life are, eating, sleeping and traveling.

Mr. Spider

Adam says that I need to get my hearing checked. He always seems to wait until I'm running water, or he's in the farthest point from me in the house and then want to talk to me. The other night I was in bed reading my book, a Nordic suspense novel, Adam was in the basement (in the man bathroom) and I hear, "Ashley, Ashley, SOS, SOS! Get down here now!" So, I get out of bed, catch my pinky toe on the damn drawer pull on our bed frame and stumble down the stairs to Adam. My first sight of him is him naked, on his knees, leaning into the bathtub. Lord only knows what goes on in there, so really, it's not surprising. I get in there and he's trapped a spider in a cup in the bathtub. He's in a panic, doesn't know what to do. Another thing you need to know about me, real quick, I'm not good in emergency situations. I save myself, it's instinct, I'm a flight person. I liked to think I'd save people and be the hero on the news, but I know I won't. So, Adam asks me to hold the cup down to keep the spider from letting himself out while he googles what type of spider it is. So, now we're both involved with the spider, me very unwillingly. He thinks it's a brown recluse, tries to point out the very "obvious" and very "large" fangs to me, like this fact would make me feel better about it being in the bathtub. I hand over the cup holding down duty back to Adam and run to get a shoe to kill it. Adam won't lift it up because he's convinced this spider is fast and smart and will jump on his face to bite him. He's watching the spider intensely and says, look he's playing us! He's pretending he's giving up and as soon as I move the cup he's ready to jump! We finally decided to fill the bathtub while still holding down the cup and then letting him drown and go down the drain. Of course, this is the time the tub decides to drain slow and allows the spider to freak out a bit. Adam grabs the draino and pours it over the spider while I spray tub cleaner on it. Glad there wasn't a chemical reaction! We finally got the spider to go down and after intense poking around in the drain with a very long straw Adam was finally convinced he was gone. This was about a 20 minute ordeal to just get rid of a damn spider. Needless to say, the exterminator is coming Wednesday.

Until next time.... *deep breath*